Growth and More Growth

I am at the stage of this pregnancy when the bump sort of springs out and moves back in. Some days it is visible, especially towards the end of the day, and some days it is almost invisible. I am not sure if that makes sense and am not even sure how it works really. Anyways, I guess I have this weird desire for people to see the bump, really see it. I want to stick it way, way out there. To have it block people's way or jut noticeably into being. It is happening more and more often, the gawkers and even the friends noticing the bump. More and more people are officially "on to us," the bump and I. I simply adore the congratulations, the warm smiles, and the knowing looks. I love how conversations often start with, "I didn't know you were expecting." Or, "I heard a little secret the other day." Or even, "You have a bump!" I don't even mind the hands on it.

Usually I am not an attention grabber, but this thing, this immaculate miracle, is something to notice and celebrate. My heart aches for those who try and can't, who try and will never have this. That was me almost a year ago. I was of the try and couldn't variety that time around, and that miscarriage sticks with me, so deeply with me. I think that is why I am so relieved to finally have proof that the miracle worked this time. I would never, ever want to flaunt with the intent to show up someone else or intentionally hurt them. I would never want them to to feel less or broken. I hate, just as much as they do, that this life is so unpredictable and sometimes unfair for those who want, those who are good and who just want so badly for it to happen. I admire them, all of them so much. But I also really hate feeling bad about something that is such a joy and such a blessing. I don't want to hide it, or avoid talking about it, or feel like I have to be careful about it.

So, here is just a little note. A little moment to say, "Hey bump!" I love you. I adore you. I value you. I will never take for granted your significance, your luster, or just the pure miracle of you.