Writer’s Block: What’s In Your Kitchen

If you could choose to be any kitchen appliance, what would you be and why?

This question is very apt for me in my current predicament. I am pregnant and I go through moods. Not like brooding or depressed kind of moods. I mean more like sleepy, slouchy, slothful kind of moods. Also, I spend a lot of time in the kitchen hanging off the fridge door looking for something, anything to eat. We have lately been getting groceries, shocker, but that doesn't seem to help me decide any faster. I hang there, door open and energy wasting away, while I pick through the options and toss aside each one. This is mostly because I don't have the patience to use any of my kitchen appliances. Lately I want to be one of those futuristic appliances that simply produces a five star range of readily prepared foods at the press of a button.

Example. "I want a watermelon smoothie." Boop, beep, bop! Zing. Ta da, watermelon smoothie materializes right before your eyes. No blender, no ice machine, and no cutting sticky watermelon with a knife. Just zing! "How about a blueberry muffin?" Beep, beep, bop! Zing. Blueberry muffin appears looking like a small planet, but simply delicious. "Changed my mind. I want a Silver Fox slushy." Bee, boop, beep. Zing. Delicious shaved ice from my favorite shack right in my hands and ready to devour. Sounds divine and completely doable, no? Probably not.

If I really, truly, deeply had to pick an existing appliance I would have to be an ice box. I love the things that are always hidden in my freezer. We have ice cream, otter pops, cookie dough. The best part? Most of the things I want in there I can eat straight from the container, no other appliances needed. This is not true for frozen pizza or chicken cordon blue, but I can do with out those things. Give me the frozen custard, yogurt, and chocolate chips.

It is summer, yes, which makes the freezer all the more appealing, but that is not the main reason I would choose to be that appliance. The main reason is I constantly feel like an incubator right now. Growing up we would visit my Grandparent's farm in Canada. They raised ostriches, and yes I know that is crazy, but they still did it. I remember my Grandpa showing me the huge incubator filled with huge, cream colored eggs. I would press my cheek up against it, feeling the constant warmth radiating. I thought it was nice back then. Now that I am the incubator it constantly feels like a sauna. Not as nice as I remember. I am flushed, tired, and slightly sweaty all the time. Yeesh! Getting in the car on hot afternoons is pure torture.

So there you have it. I would be an icebox full of Popsicles, ice cream, and cookie dough. No fuss and delicious cool treats all day long. I could handle that.